In Lieu of Flowers

April 7, 2016 Tamara

It’s been one week since the funeral visitation.

The days before and after blur like a watercolor painting left in a rainstorm. Habit alone reminds us of daily rituals: get up, take a shower, get ready for work. Take care of the kids. Feed the cat.

I went more than a week without doing any laundry. No grocery shopping. No nightly dinner preparation for my family of five. I’m not really sure what, if anything, got accomplished other than the status quo completion of required tasks, an unmanned plane gliding on autopilot.

Joy, my #oneword of 2016, stands along the outskirts of my week, handing me tissues and sharing in my tears.

The visitation was filled with friends, family, and flowers. The outpouring of kindness and love shown to our family in so many small ways reminds me again and again that there is good in this world.

I remember when my grandmother lost her battle with cancer sixteen years ago. The funeral home received so many flowers for her passing, they offered to open another room so people would have enough space to walk around. That was the way people showed their condolences back then – flowers. Lots and lots of flowers.

Times have changed dramatically in sixteen years, even with this rite of funeral flowers. Practicality and cost now govern decision-making and rightly so. Flowers are expensive, especially petals that are woven into wreaths or displayed on stands. Not everyone has hundreds of dollars to spend on objects that, while beautiful in the moment, have a limited luster and will quickly wither away.

In lieu of flowers, some send plants. While lacking in the vibrant colors and patterns of flowers, they can thrive beyond the period of mourning. They remind the living that there are things to care for and that they, too, are still alive. Plants are a lovely choice as well.

A beautiful plant donated by my school in memory of Mom Letter.

Sometimes there are donations. We’ve seen an increase with weddings and funerals for people to add a tagline: “In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to…” listing a favorite charity or organization. What a beautiful legacy to pay-it-forward in memory of someone else.

Mom Letter asked for donations to be made to hospice. For five months, hospice helped to care for Mom and provided support for our family. Now Mom has a way to say “thank you” to the hospice nurses and caretakers through the kindness of those who loved her.

Today my husband received the list of names of those who had donated in Mom’s name. Family. Friends. Neighbors. But one name stood out among the others.

Dr. Scott Otto, Libertyville, IL.

See, Mom Letter’s journey from diagnosis to hospice spanned more than two years and two states. Dr. Otto was the specialist who first cared for her. Talked with her. Helped her make decisions. It was Dr. Otto who knew her more intimately than any of us ever could – he literally held her existence in his hands in the operating room and surgically saved her life more than once.

It’s because of Dr. Otto’s care that Mom lived years, not months. It’s because of his dedication that we were granted extra time with Mom, sharing holidays and celebrations. It’s because of his signature that Mom was granted permission to move back to Virginia, to be surrounded by family, so that her final days could be filled with love.

And now, because of Dr. Otto’s generosity and the kindness of others, more families will get to do the same through hospice.

It’s been a tough week to write, but I hope as the hours turn into days, I will regain my momentum again. Thank you for taking the time to be a part of our lives and share in our journey. There is kindness everywhere, even in death.

Blessing Others, Kind Actions

Live an Exclamatory Life!

March 23, 2016 Tamara

Ever have a status quo day? You know the kind, where everything is repeated from the day before. Same wake-up time, same morning meal, same work tasks to complete during the day.

Leave work. Pick up kids. Make dinner. Bedtime.

Same.

While there is comfortable familiarity in the repetition, the monotony might eat you alive.

Live an exclamatory life!

Each of us has the ability to live an exclamatory life. It’s a choice I make each day and you can, too! We simply need to look for opportunities to shine, to make a difference, to share our kindness with others.

Living an exclamatory life has no boundaries. Introverted, Extroverted, personality doesn’t matter – YOU have the ability to overcome the dreariness of the day by making a choice to be amazing.

I live an exclamatory life!

It’s true! I speak in heightened syllabic parameter (which, quite possibly may not even be a real phrase, but it feels right.) I am excited about EVERYTHING! I even end many of my sentences with an overused exclamation point! See?

While your level of engagement may not be as vocal as mine, you are not chained to live a dull, status-quo life. You have purpose for greatness!

Yesterday I had an after-school training scheduled with a teacher at a nearby school in my district. The date has been on the calendar for weeks and I arrived with extra time to spare. As I was gathering my materials from my car, I noticed two men walking towards me, trying to get my attention.

“Ma’am? Can you help us? We need a jump.”

I looked beyond them and saw a stationary pick-up truck, doors open and hood lifted. While they appeared to be in genuine need of assistance, I was tempted by the responses that so easily filled my head.

I don’t want to be late for my training.

I shouldn’t help strange men I don’t know.

I don’t have jumper cables.

I don’t have time.

I can’t.

I won’t.

The status quo me could have easily turned away and gone about my business, bustling along with the same agenda I had set, no thought for anyone else but myself. After all, that would have been much easier than the inconvenience of an unexpected delay. There was only one problem with that logic.

I am not a status-quo person. I am exclamatory!

I smiled at the two men and said I would help. I moved my car closer to their truck where jumper cables sat idle, waiting for the kindness of a Good Samaritan.

It didn’t take long to get their truck rumbling again. One of the gentlemen noticed I had a loose bolt and offered to tighten it for me. Ahhhh… the rewards of being in the right place, at the right time. A random act of kindness win-win.

We thanked each other with smiles and appreciation then parted ways. I entered the school building and walked towards the teacher’s classroom for the scheduled training.

Then came the irony.

The training had been cancelled.

I didn’t even need to be there.

Sometimes we go about our daily duties and never notice the importance of those little whispers on our heart. What if I hadn’t left early? What if someone had told me the training was cancelled? What if I led a life of fear? What if I simply didn’t care?

Would the two men have found someone else to jump-start their truck. Probably. Who am I to think my little random act of kindness really makes a difference in anyone’s life? Surely someone else will help, right?

But what if they don’t?

Stop doubting your impact on others. Live an exclamatory life! Look for the good in the world. Open your eyes and see how your words, actions, even your smile, can transform someone else’s day. While the act of kindness you share with another may seem like “no big deal” to you, it could very well be the one thing that transforms someone else’s day from status-quo to exclamatory!

And, if you happen to see this truck driving around town, give them a nod or a kind word. They deserve an extra shot of kindness – and you do, too!

7 Day Blogging Challenge, Kind Actions, Kind Words

Embrace the Sprint

March 20, 2016 Tamara

Today wraps up our last day of Jeff Goins’ 7-Day Blogging Challenge. He deemed today a day of rest (very appropriate for a Sunday!) and shared his analogy of training for a marathon: while the entire race is long, the occasional sprints build endurance and make you stronger.

Endurance.

Strength.

Yes, this pretty much summarizes my week.

Like many writers, this is not my full-time job. I’m an instructional technologist working in a public school system, providing professional development for teachers who want to integrate technology in their lessons. Much of my day is spent either in the classroom teaching students or preparing resources and training materials to support the needs of teachers and district administrators. I do my fair share of technology troubleshooting as well.

When the final bell of the school day rings, my job is still not complete. I offer training sessions after school and attend various meetings. Sometimes I tutor students or participate in webinars to enhance my own professional growth. Several nights a week I bring work home, waiting for my three children to go to bed so I can continue the unfinished work of the day.

Finding time to write is an ongoing quandary in my world.

Now let’s throw in a 7-Day Blogging Challenge to the mix. It’s one thing to carve out time to write. It’s quite another to write and learn.

The Fitbit on my arm reminds me that I haven’t met my step goal for four days in a row. My sleep goal has diminished by two hours as my writing now takes me from PM to AM most nights. I’m a night owl by nature, but at some point sleep does become a necessity. My laundry is still piled up on the floor and my vacuum remains in the closet, untouched. I’m sure those close to me are questioning, “Why does she DO this to herself?”

I did it because I needed to grow.

See, that’s the beauty of a 7-Day Blogging Challenge. It’s a choice. I wanted to learn new things. I wanted to become better at my craft of writing. I wanted to know what I didn’t know and figure out how to move from static to dynamic. I prayed for a push and received an invitation instead.

This is what I learned in the process:

1. It’s OK to not know what you are doing.

When I began this blogging challenge, I had no idea what the journey would entail. I didn’t receive a syllabus, nor an agenda for weekly assignments. Each day began with a new post from Jeff with a task to complete, most often on a platform I never knew existed. I was constantly faced with my lack of knowledge in marketing, advertising and social media management and often felt incompetent, even in the area of technology which I use every day! Learning something new, no matter the content, humbles you quickly.

2. Pressure + Persistence = Success

HTML codes. Widgets. Plug-ins. Pixels. No matter how many times I tried to follow the directions shown on my screen, I was met with a product that didn’t match my vision. Again. And again. And again. And then it worked. The pop-up appeared, I could close it out, and all was well with the world. (In my mind, the heavens parted and I could hear a choir of angels singing the Hallelujah chorus in perfect harmony.) No one watched me struggle. No one witnessed my frustration. I could have easily given up and no one would be the wiser, especially with the pressure of a daily deadline. But I persisted and, in the end, was met with success.

3. Everyone has a purpose for their writing.

With almost 3,000 people participating in this challenge, it’s easy to get lost in the shuffle. As each person posted links to their blog posts, manifestos, giveaways, and more, I found myself caught in the comparison game, my inadequacies as a professional writer glaring back at me with each paragraph I read. Then something amazing happened. About mid-week I stopped comparing my writing with others and started seeking out the writer’s purpose. Why was the writer sharing this story? What lessons were to be learned? How does this writing appeal to me as a reader? What could this writing teach me? It helped redefine my purpose for writing and move past the fear to write and share more.

4. Random acts of kindness are everywhere.

You wouldn’t expect a virtual blogging group to bring out the good in others, but that’s exactly what happened. Jeff’s Day 2 Challenge encouraged us to share something as a lead magnet; Day 5 was to give away something for free. Day 6 was to ask for kindness from someone else in sharing our writing with others. Bloggers I had never met were taking time to read my writing, offer suggestions, share ideas, even troubleshoot my questions. Their kindness encouraged me to keep writing and inspired me to think creatively about blessing others in this realm of writing. The greatest random acts of kindness shared this week were from Jeff Goins himself. He willingly organized this challenge, shared insights from lessons learned, and encouraged us along the way. From live video broadcasts with back-channeled questions (nice hair and nice grill!) to scheduled check-ins to gauge our comfort level, he made this journey of learning not only productive, but enjoyable.

I am thankful for the opportunity I’ve had this week to sprint as fast as I could to the finish. Now is the time to catch my breath, retie my laces, and start again.

Writing really is like a marathon and I’m in it for the long haul. Runner, spectator, or cheerleader, we each have a purpose for the journey. Won’t you join me in the race?

7 Day Blogging Challenge, Blessing Others, Kind Actions

Asking for Help

March 19, 2016 Tamara

For Day 6 of Jeff Goins’ 7-Day Blogging Challenge, we were encouraged to reach out and ASK. Ask someone to share a blog post. Ask for some feedback. Put ourselves out there and just ask for help.

I feel like I’ve already done that so many times with you already – YOU are the reason I’ve had more than 30,000 views on my blog to date! When I created my public Facebook page just a week or so ago, I took a chance and asked you to “like” my new page.

That. Was. Uncomfortable.

“If you never ask for help, the answer will always be no.”

I hate asking people for help. But I did. I knew I needed to brand myself professionally on several platforms and you responded in a BIG way! Today I hit 200 “likes” on my Facebook page – WOW! While this may not seem like an accomplishment for others, this is HUGE for me!

Thank you for your support and encouragement as I continue to chase my dreams of becoming a published writer. I appreciate each and every one of you!

Now on to the celebration… to wrap up the free giveaway challenge of Day 5, I had a drawing for someone to receive a free random act of kindness performed in their honor. Click here to see who won!

Being kind is FUN! I can’t wait to see what the upcoming week has in store. Join me in my mission of putting more JOY into the world around us!

7 Day Blogging Challenge, Blessing Others, Kind Actions

Free RAK!

March 18, 2016 Tamara

Everyone loves freebies! For Day 5 of our 7-Day Blogging Challenge, we were encouraged to give away something for free. How fun!

Here is the prize I am offering: a Random Act of Kindness (RAK) to be done in your name complete with a blog post mentioning you and your website or blog (if you have one). I will also customize the random act of kindness to reflect your interests (animals, children, cooking, etc.).

Wow! How many people will offer that just for YOU?

How to enter the raffle? Simply comment on this blog post. I will put all the names in a bucket and draw the winner later today!

The contest starts NOW! It’s a pay-it-forward RAK that pays-it-forward again, a simple way to say “Thanks” for being a faithful reader and sharing in the joy of kindness!

7 Day Blogging Challenge, Blessing Others, Kind Actions

To Give or Not to Give

March 16, 2016 Tamara

When was the last time you gave money to a complete stranger? Did you toss a few coins in an open guitar case as you strolled by a musician on the street, head down so you didn’t have to make eye contact? Perhaps you donated money to a non-profit organization, your generosity marked by the CVC code on the back of your credit card or the signature placed at the bottom of your check.

Maybe I should have been more specific with my question. When was the last time you handed money to a complete stranger?

Ahhh… now the stakes have changed.

Just this week a friend of mine posted a story of how he handed $60 to a Dunkin’ Donuts employee with the challenge of paying for the purchases of as many people as possible behind him in the drive-through line. As other people commented on his post, I was shocked to see just how many people viewed the action through the negative lens of cynicism. Even the unspoken words echoed sentiments I had heard before.

“I bet that girl kept the money.”

“Good luck seeing that ever again.”

“Why would anyone do something so stupid?”

Really? That’s your reaction to kindness?

Who cares what the girl did with the money? Sure, in an ideal world, she would do as the giver requested and use it to pay-it-forward, but what if she didn’t? Would the world end? Would the random act of kindness be any less meaningful?

Let’s take a moment and play out the scenario. The girl kept the money for herself. Maybe she had to purchase books for next semester’s college classes. Maybe she needed to put gas in her car so she could continue to drive to work. Maybe she needed to feed herself instead of others. Maybe she went to the mall and bought a new outfit that made her feel pretty and confident. Does this mean the donation was wasted?

Why must we tarnish the genuine thoughtfulness of the RAK with our own pessimistic outcomes. Who are we to judge?

I often give to the homeless. I don’t try to predict what they do with the money or items I share; I simply give without judgment or expectation. I’ve heard all the negative responses, from “They’ll just buy more alcohol” to “What a waste of time.”

My response to the naysayers?

I simply smile.

See, I know something they don’t. I know the joy in giving.

It doesn’t matter to me what someone does with a gift I give. Keep it, toss it, pay-it-forward, rock on. All I care about is in the moment of giving, you know someone cares about you. You are important. You are valued. You matter.

That’s what kindness provides: validation of worth.

And that, my friends, is priceless.

As for the Dunkin’ Donuts worker who was given $60 to pay-it-forward? She did exactly that. Her manager and two other co-workers shared the story to my friend when he stopped by the next morning to see how it went. His donation not only paid for several family purchases, but others took notice and paid-it-forward, too.

In the end, kindness wins.

Always.

Blessing Others, Kind Actions

Passion Projects

March 9, 2016 Tamara

Today was an amazing day!

I presented a session at the EdTech Conference held at VCU in Richmond, VA titled “Bring JOY to the Classroom with Passion Projects” where I showcased passion projects of first graders in my school. (For my presentation link, and more information about passion projects, click here.)

The session went well, with lots of laughter and joy scattered about (thanks to everyone who tweeted out comments on #edtechrva – you ROCK!) I loved learning more about the passions of the session participants (shown on this Padlet) then sharing the passions of our students. When the session ended, many participants stayed behind to continue the conversation and ask more questions which was great!

Just this week, I noticed another class diving into passion projects, with a random act of kindness theme:

Of COURSE, I wanted to sponsor a student! What a wonderful project that would have a direct impact on others! I contacted the teacher on Twitter for a mailing address, then stopped by Walmart to pick up a couple pair of socks. Today, after the conference I put passion projects into motion as I mailed off my contribution.

It brings such joy to my soul to know that young people are investing their time and creativity into helping others. What a divine purpose indeed! I’m also thankful for teachers like Mr. Leonard who recognize the power and potential of embracing young students’ passions.

A shout-out to all the fantastic people who helped organize and facilitate this year’s EdTech conference! Thanks to your hard work, educators such myself can learn, grow, and share the wonderful things we are doing in and out of the classroom! Kudos!

AMOK, Blessing Others, Kind Actions

#AMOK 2016

March 6, 2016 Tamara

If you are looking to sprinkle kindness like confetti, this weekend was made for you! The Annual Melee of Kindness (#AMOK2016), hosted by Random Acts, is a bit like a flash mob of kindness with people all across the world doing nice things for others and sharing their stories on Facebook and Twitter. It’s so inspiring to read all the awesome things strangers are doing for one another!

My #AMOK was inspired by my daughter’s recent choral competition. Their theme focused on Disney princesses with each section representing a different princess, who showcased their “strengths” through choreographed dances and acapella ballads. There was one girl in the middle, who wore a black dress, an outcast of sorts who didn’t fit in to any of the traditional princess roles. As the story is showcased, each princess group tries to convince the girl to be like them, rotating around her and emphasizing their strengths. The girl finally comes to the realization that she can be her own princess, taking pride in the strengths that make her unique. The show ends with all the princesses shining the spotlight on her and her black dress is transformed to one of gold.

I know I’m biased in saying this, but it’s a spectacular show!

My daughter showed me the shirt they wore at their competition and I immediately thought of Renee Parr, a 1st grade teacher at my school who died suddenly in the summer of 2014. She loved princesses and always wore a tiara at any opportunity to shine. Even at her funeral, her mom wore a tiara and spoke of Renee’s living legacy as a princess in her heart.

My daughter’s shirt also reminded me of my college sorority, Zeta Tau Alpha, whose colors are turquoise and silver. One of ZTA’s key symbols is a five pointed crown and their motto is “Seek the Noblest.” How ironic that my daughter’s show choir would have symbols of the sisterhood I held so dear!

I knew right then that my #AMOK2016 had to have a princess theme.

I decided to spread kindness at a playground and stopped by The Dollar Tree to pick up a few things to give away. As if I needed any more confirmation about the princess theme choice, this is what I saw in the window:

I couldn’t believe my eyes – an entire row of princesses stared back at me, just waiting to be bought and given away.

I scooped up some from the window, then added a few tiaras and sparkly butterfly wings. I even picked up a few butterfly catchers for any princes who might be playing at the playground, too.

Before walking out of the store with my purchases, I left a few surprises to be discovered: money in the gumball machines and a few hidden dollars in the toy section.

Me and our waitress, Milena, with my RAK card.

My next stop was a local playground, but before I could even get there another playground caught my eye. It was old and faded, tucked in a bed of sticks and pine needles. I felt drawn to that location, so I made a quick stop and left a princess crown and butterfly catcher there.

Then, on a whim, I opened my wallet and took all the change I had and tossed it in the air, watching it scatter among the pine cones. Do you remember the thrill of finding money on the ground when you were young?

I got back in my car and traveled to my final destination and left my treasures all around the playground equipment. There were a few children running about and it gave me such a smile to know they might get to enjoy the surprises I had brought.

A princess toy waiting for a princess to swing.

I even placed a tiara on a frog, my mom’s favorite animal. Hopefully no one kisses him; I can guarantee he won’t turn into a prince!

As I placed my final items around the playground, a dad caught my eye and said, “I have a pretty purple princess who would love to have whatever you’re passing out.” I smiled and pointed at the bench near the front of the park. “Please take those! They’re free! I’m doing random acts of kindness today, so take what you like!” His smile grew even wider as he replied, “Thank you!”

Doing random acts of kindness always brightens someone’s day! If you missed out on #AMOK2016, then pick your own day to spread kindness to others and share out when you do. Every day is a perfect day to be kind!

Blessing Others, Kind Actions, Kind Words

Tornado in Tappahannock

February 28, 2016 Tamara

This past week was a whirlwind. Literally. Wednesday afternoon, all afternoon activities were cancelled due to the threat of severe weather. I raced out of work to pick up my youngest from daycare, then headed straight home to hunker down with the rest of my children.

My daughter is deathly afraid of thunderstorms and tornados. Maybe it’s because we used to live in Memphis, TN and I had to place her in a closet for safety one too many times. Perhaps she can still recall the shelter-in-place drills at her daycare center, her small hands barely wide enough to cover her head as she cowered under a table in a tight ball. Whatever the reason, I knew that she would be anxious, so I wanted to get home as soon as possible.

The sky was overcast, but not a drop of precipitation was falling from the sky as I drove. By the time I got to the daycare center, the winds were starting to pick up, but nothing outrageous. A few raindrops finally splattered on my windshield as I pulled into my driveway.

It was February. In Virginia. I still had the snow boots lined up in the hall from the foot of snow that finally melted from a few weeks before. A thunderstorm this time of year was hard to imagine. A tornado? Unfathomable. We just don’t get weather like that.

Twenty minutes later, I saw these images on TV and quickly gathered my three children to squeeze into a narrow hall closet.

We were lucky. Our home was spared with no damage. The storm had passed and we left our cramped closet, breathing a sigh of relief. I opened my Facebook app and saw dozens of photos from friends doing the same thing as me, trying to make the best of a scary situation. I saw snapshots of kids in bathtubs with pillows, dogs and cats lying on tile floors, board games and snacks. Then I saw a photo that made me gasp.

I actually did a double-take. Was that a door ripped from the frame of Kenneth’s upstairs room? I scrolled through his posting and saw image after image of the damage to his home. Doors blown off. Windows with shattered glass. Trees on cars and boats in trees. Even the crack in his hallway wall ominously told the story of what just happened.

It could have been so much worse.

It was so much worse.

The next few days would reveal the destruction across the state.

There were 3 deaths in Waverly. I couldn’t even wrap my brain around what had just happened.

And then, just as quickly as the storm blew its way through our town, the generosity of others poured in.

As Thursday came and the weekend approached, I noticed other people offering up their kindness in the midst of such unspeakable tragedy:

It’s nice to know that in the face of desperation and despair, there are good people around to lend a hand and make a difference. I am blessed to live in such a supportive community! May we always take the opportunity to help when we can, for there may come a time when we will be the ones in need.

#celebratemonday, Blessing Others, Kind Actions, Kind Words

#CelebrateMonday

February 22, 2016 Tamara

How many of you dread the word “Monday”?

One click of a Google search for “Monday quotes” and you can see the struggle is real:

What if it was possible to actually look forward to Monday? Say what? Yes! I’m serious! What if you could start your week with anticipation of something good instead of something bad.

Impossible? I think not.

For those of you on Twitter, you already know a few hashtags people follow for inspiration. You can now add #celebratemonday to your list. No, I didn’t create the hashtag (even though some of you thought I did!) Those kudos belong to principal Sean Gaillard, a motivating force behind the Monday positivity movement. Check out this article by ISTE, explaining how it all began!

This Monday morning, I woke to find a tweet from Sean giving me a shout-out on Twitter:

When was the last time you had someone give you a shout-out to others? On social media? On a MONDAY MORNING?

My day was made and I hadn’t even left my house.

I was tagged in another tweet from Ashley Hurley, a gal in my virtual PLN:

So inspiring! Already my brain was spinning, thinking of a random act of kindness I could do to #celebratemonday. How fun!

I had to leave school early today to take my middle child to get braces on his bottom teeth (definitely not a RAK in his eyes!) and while I waited in the office for him to gather his belongings from class, I gazed at the beautiful tree painted on the office wall.

Not just any tree. A Giving Tree.

There were only a few leaves left on the tree, but surely I had something I could give. I reached up and removed a leaf to bless a teacher at my son’s school.

While I waited in the orthodontics office for the dental technicians to add brackets and wires to my child’s teeth, I thought about the leaf I pulled. I don’t know Ms. Owens, but I could imagine her purpose for those stress balls. Maybe she’s a SPED teacher and knows how some students need to keep their hands active to refocus their attention. Maybe she’s a P.E. teacher and wants to use the balls as part of a class activity. Perhaps she’s a science teacher and wants to use the balls in an experiment. No matter the reason, she needed the balls and I couldn’t wait to fulfill her wish.

Guess who’s getting 12 new stress balls soon! 🙂

Later today, I had another friend, Kitty Tripp, tag me in her post about a random act of kindness she completed for a stranger:

So awesome!

If you are looking to be inspired on a Monday morning, check out the hashtag #celebratemonday on Twitter. You might be amazed how good it will make you feel! Share your joys as well – celebrating Mondays inspires everyone!

Have a wonderful week ahead! Feel free to comment below with something good that happened to you today and share with a friend!