The noise got louder the closer we came. “C’mon, Sara, we’re gonna be late and they might run out of my favorite pizza!” I watched as my best friend since second grade walked ahead of me, her cute little ponytail bouncing behind her. Jeannie had no fear. She would dive into an ocean filled with sharks if she thought they might have something she wanted. “Hurry up!” she shouted, with one last turn of her head, before I lost her in the crowd of hungry students. I tried not to panic, holding the strap of my book bag tighter so it wouldn’t slip off my right shoulder. The sea of people crushed together, everyone cramming through two doors with peeling blue paint, an entrance meant for two, not twenty. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and the panic started to rise again. “One… Two… Three… Breathe…” The counselor’s calm and steady voice whispered in my memories as I started to feel the floor sway beneath my feet. “Don’t you dare pass out on me,” I whispered to myself, but it was too late. The dark perimeter of my vision closed in and I sank to the ground.
Today’s Quick Write inspired by Megan Frazer Blakemore’s #TeachersWrite post, challenging us to write a cafeteria scene as we “feel back to childhood.” As an elementary school educator (and a mom of three), I find myself surrounded by children constantly, but it takes a bit more effort to become a child again and write from that perspective. I’m finding that writing for younger readers is an area of interest and I look forward to making my characters’ voices and experiences more authentic!
Really strong! I think you have the opportunity to add some more details, especially in the fainting moment. How does it change her vision? How do the smells impact her?
Also, I’m picking up on some fraying between her and Sara. You have me curious about where that relationship will go. Nice job!
Thank you for the guidance and wonderful feedback! I’m always humbled when #TeachersWrite authors take the time to read our writing. You’ve inspired me to expand this scene and see where it takes me!
Tamara, thanks for sharing. I smiled when I saw your blog title, “Pollyanna Writer.” Very cute.
I like the contrast between Jeannie and Sara, yet they are best friends. That is sweet. I was pulling for Sara when she was feeling like she was going to pass out. I wonder how old she is. Can you relate to one of the characters? Were you feeling back to your childhood?
Thanks again for sharing,
Denise
I appreciate your feedback, Denise, and showing me additional questions to answer. My daughter actually has a history of passing out in unusual places (one time at the top of a water park ride – Egads!) You’ve encouraged me to write more! Thank you!